I can give you myself, but you can never own me

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The Greatest Love Letter
I love you, not with a promise which words define and people escape from,
not because of trust and security, which the world tries to build on, but always fail.
Not because I can see myself with you, 10 or 20 years from now. Because tomorrow I may be gone.
Not for what we had, have, and will have, for it may only last as good as my memory serves me.
But because you're you, even if my memory is erased, or I be gone at this very moment,
even if humanity ends itself, and all the promises have been broken.
My love will continue to exist.

Happy 22nd

Ang langit, minsan mapagbiro, gugulatin ka sa isang tagpo.
Ikaw namang walang kamalay-malay, biglang matutuliro, sapagkat
ang nakaraang pilit iwinawaglit, sa isang kisap biglang manunumbalik.
Ikaw nama'y mag-iisip: ano'ng dahil ng pasakit? Panahong hindi mo
maiisip, na ika'y bibigyang panaglit, ng palaisipang wari'y
sinadyang pilit. Kislap ba ng mga bituin ay nagbago?
o ikot ng mundo'y lumihis sa tiyempo? Bakit parang ang uniberso,
sa iyong buhay ang sentro, kinukutya ka sa larong hindi mo naman ginusto?
O, baka naman nangungusap, hindi mo lang maturan,
na ang pagpikit ng mga tala, at pag-inog nitong daigdig,
may sinasabing pilit, hindi mo lamang marinig. Kaya ikaw ay tatayain,
hinuha mo'y kakaladkarin, upang kasuluk-sulukang karimlan ng mundo mo ay gisingin.
Makikipaglaro ka sa mga tala, babasahin ang pahiwatig, ngunit kahit
anong pilit hinding-hindi mo masisilip. Matatapos ang laro, ikaw ay nakatingala,
mag-iiba ang kislap ng mga mata. Hindi pa rin mawawari kung bakit,
dahil saling-pusa ka lang pala.

Losing Faith
The feeling of losing is as natural as life. Everthing we hold with meaning is temporal. Even our thoughts and memories, as they come with age, fail us--in some ways more than tragic than others--like how Alzheimer's affect people.

However inevitable this experience of losing is, we as human beings never learned to let go easily. We grieve, wallow and suffer, as if we never anticipated that moment when we embrace the reality that something is lost. Then we allow time to
heal us, as we wait for something else to fill the emptiness we feel, giving us a renewed meaning to move on, and start all over again. A cycle that never ends until our last breath.

When you think of it that way, you can't help but wonder if life is really that cruel? Having such inevitable fate, are we so powerless over the things we lose, that we allow ourselves to be deceived to be able to just go on with life, but in the end losing everything all over again? So is it faith to blindly keep moving on, however trapped we are in that endless cycle of losing? To hold onto branch after branch while falling on an endless cliff, hoping that we don't reach the bottom just yet?

And yes, of course, the notion of losing gives everything important to us the meaning to hold them dear, realizing that someday, their existence will only be as fleeting as our memories. But why, after all the suffering, it still damn hurt?
Did faith fail to give hope to a new beginning? A new meaning in place of the one we have lost dearly? If hurting means you have lost rightfully, then isn't it right to lose the hurt eventually? or maybe not.

Maybe Alzheimer's is a blessing in disguise. They do not feel that emptiness of losing everything they love. Any glimpse of memory is so brief, time does not allow them to suffer.

or maybe, to lose and to hurt is to have faith. And losing faith is to not have lost nor to have felt any hurt at all.

Leaving Song
It really makes me wonder, how everything seems to be in place,
where you and I are apart, with unfathomable space.
But I cannot help myself, dreaming through sleepless nights,
when silence get me by, without saying goodbye.

Even though I might be strong, it cannot stay for long
Everytime I walk with empty hands, they always let me know:
Beyond these walls, my heart is telling me--
It hurts to let you go

These eyes wanted to cry, they didn't shed a tear,
These sighs mean I'm tired, but I walked another mile;
But crying gave up on me, and sighing brought me no relief,
What else is there to break the pain, to bleed all the grief?

Even though I might be strong, it cannot stay for long
Everytime I walk with empty hands, they always let me know:
Beyond these walls, my heart is telling me--
It hurts to let you go

But with empty hands and empty tears, everything's so clear
There's no turning back now, no trip to good ole days
One thing is left to realize, we're leaving this song behind
The memory of bittersweet revelry, and painful goodbye

The memory of bittersweet revelry, and painful goodbye...

2010 Resolve
2010 had been good but difficult in a number of occasions.
Clearly, it was a year where changes have been at the onset;
the heart & mind has already decided what path to take.
A year full of challenges and frustrations, but nothing
beyond hope.

This year comes with no special changes, only fulfilling that destiny--
whether it is for or against the plans laid out--waiting to unfold.

I have yet to learn which is more difficult:
decision-making, or acceptance of its end results.

Experiences which are tests of character, integrity, and commitment
are on the ripening. Time, as it grows older, gives you less space for
error correction, and unless you want to settle for something other than
your trajectory, then make every beat of time count.

(no subject)
Paminsan, may mga bagay na kahit paano mo unawain,
hindi ka pagbibigyang sagutin.

Palibhasa, hindi alam ng kahapon ang mga nangyayari ngayon;
hindi masasabi ng bukas na 'wag mong tahakin ang gayon, at hindi
mahihiling ng ngayon na mabago ang kahapon.

Walang pasubali ang mga pagsubok na hindi mo aakalaing haharapin
sa mga panahong darating. Mga dagok na sadyang mamaliitin ang mga
karanasan mo sa kasalukuyan. Mga bagay na bubulaga sa iyong
pagkatao, hindi para gulatin, kundi para gulantangin ang mga bagay
na nakalipas na.. mga bagay na iyong nasayang.

Hindi nga pala sa mga pangarap nabubuo ang bukas, mas higit sa mga
bagay na wala kang takas. Mga pangyayaring hinding-hindi mo nanaisin
daanan, subalit sasadyaing paglaruan ng kapalaran.

Sana nga, mas madali ang pagsagwan sa buhay. Ang pagtigil, pag-usad, papaahon
o papalaot, sana madala sa kakaunting pag-imbot ng sagwan, at sa mas madaling

Losing Ground
In an attempt to find someone, not just anyone, keeping in mind that
conscientious concept of the right one, we lose more in the end:

We lose more when things don't work out the way you felt it at first.
When you become so engrossed over every little thing that doesn't really
matter to anyone else; or when you pay attention to every little detail, like
flower petals you pick one by one, hoping to get a favorable answer in the end,
only to know that the petals are even-numbered.

We lose more when there's really nothing to talk about, but you have so much
to say, thinking that the thoughts you've been hiding would bring about
changes, would spark beginnings, will start new journeys. And in so much
effort to speak at the right moment, no one listened.

We lose more when you do things so genuinely noble, yet, no one comes
to you when you truly needed somebody, seeking not consolation,
but real pain relief.

We lose more by wearing your heart on your sleeves, void of all subtleties
and poetry, only to be told to stop it from beating.

We lose more when you try to forget and leave things behind, only to realize
that you're already so broken from trying; that it is beyond difficult, nearly
irraparable, like little cracks on a glass which started from a seemingly harmless pebble.

In trying to gain someone for yourself, whom you truly and rightfully believe is yours to take,
you lose more of yourself. It just so happens that you'll be conscious of everything, the moment
you know yours won't be a happy ending. After all, you tried, and each man is for his own bet.

(no subject)

I wonder where to go tonight in my dreams? I cannot remember the last time I wandered in my dream,
with that fleeting sensation even after waking up.

.. I miss irrational me.

jokes are half-meant
but sometimes, you're into the joke so much, you have to cry it out to realize there are no half-realities.

what fucking evidence?
I'm not taking law.. maybe I should.. so i'm asking my friends who do:

If a victim's last words to her closest kin is the name of the killer,
should this evidence be binding in court?

According to reports, Mangudadatu's wife was able to reach her husband
before she was grossly mutilated, telling him that the Ampatuans were the
ones responsible. This kind of evidence can be verified through the mobile network,
but I'm afraid these records will be long overdue and overwritten before the
government even surmises this.

or.. did they just miss that detail?!!? It's like she wrote "AMPATUAN KILLED ME"
using her own blood but the government did not notice.

Resolution on the Maguindanao massacre is taking so long, I want to help! ,grrrr..
These are the times when I really wish public opinion turns into roman-empire mob rule.

When did these politicians learn not to fear the scrutiny and rage of the people?

No evidence linking the bastards... my ass!


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